Both paths of being a stay at home mum or a working motherhood reflect different values, pressures and aspirations but both might be shaped by the lingering influence of patriarchy.
Let’s reflect back to our brave women in the past, historically, women were expected to remain in the domestic sphere. In the 1950s, for you to look like the idealized image of a housewife one had to be devoted, nurturing and dependent.
This was not just cultural but institutional. Women lacked access to education, employment and financial autonomy. Their value was tied to their ability to manage the home and raise children while men were seen as providers.
If you compare that to today, the landscape has shifted completely. Women now make up nearly half of the global workforce and many families rely on dual incomes to survive.
For instance, in Nairobi the rising living costs and urbanization have made it increasingly difficult for one parent to stay home that is unless you are married into a completely wealthy family. Yet despite these changes the expectation that women should prioritize caregiving remains strong.
Stay-at-home moms often face conflicting narratives where on one hand, they are praised for their dedication to family. On the other, they’re criticized for not contributing financially or for “wasting” their education.
Many report feelings of isolation, loss of identity and lack of recognition. Their labor though essential is unpaid and undervalued.
The challenges navigated by working mother turn out to be completely different. The expectation of exceling professionally while also managing perfect looking homes and environment for the children is extreme.
This dual burden often leads to exhaustion and guilt making many mother feel judged for spending time away from their children, even when doing so is necessary or fulfilling. ‘Having it all’ has proven elusive as structural support for working parents remains inadequate.
The choice between staying home and working is rarely simple. It’s shaped by economic necessity, cultural expectations, personal values and available support systems.
For some, staying home is a privilege; for others, it’s a sacrifice. For some, working is empowering; for others, it’s a source of stress. The society must really work on change to support all mothers whether they choose to be stay at home moms or working.
That means recognizing caregiving as valuable labor, offering paid parental leave, affordable childcare and workplace flexibility. It also means challenging the stigma attached to both roles.
The question really isn’t which role is better. It’s whether women are free to choose without judgment, guilt or economic penalty. Whether at home or in the workforce, mothers deserve dignity, support and recognition.
